When a woman wins - how one conversation built my community

I know what it’s like to feel out of place. But joining a community changed that.

Community: defined as the people living in one particular area or people who are considered as a unit because of their common interests, social group, or nationality:

But to me, community means something deeper: it is a group of people who share an identity-forming narrative. It starts with:

A story,

An experience

A set of values.

Growing up, I struggled with understanding what it meant to belong to a community. Growing up in Pietermaritzburg, my family lived in predominantly formerly white neighbourhoods, and I attended schools in those areas. As a result, I often felt caught between the two worlds: I was considered “too white” by some Black children and “too black” by some white children.

I was frequently mocked for my accent; I was told that I “sounded white.” Over time, these experiences affected my sense of identity. It was difficult to feel like I truly belonged anywhere.

Code-switching, or changing the way you speak based on environment, exists within a power dynamic. In South Africa, many marginalised groups feel they have to adapt by changing their accents, dialects, and languages to those of the dominant social group. The aim? Respect and recognition.

Ironically, one of my earliest experiences of finding community came from something incredibly mundane. While sitting in a Zulu class and quietly planning my sixteenth birthday, I began discussing my plans with two classmates.

What started as a simple conversation became the beginning of friendships that have lasted to this day.

I realised that people do not need to have identical backgrounds to belong to the same community. Sometimes, commonality is enough to create a meaningful connection.

As I grew older, my understanding of community continued to evolve. In my twenties, I found community in places I never expected; through conversations about:

• How I do my press-on nails? (I have perfected my craft!)
• Where I get my killer outfits (credit goes to my mum)
• Travelling with friends
• Working on the same daunting projects
• Simply sharing everyday experiences

I have come to realise that community is not necessarily about where you live or where you come from. It is about where you feel seen, understood, and accepted. Women are the centre of community. When women support women and lead in unison, it benefits everyone.

Community is the people you cannot wait to tell when something exciting happens, the people you create memories with, and those you turn to when life becomes difficult. Community gives us a place to belong, but more importantly, it reminds us that we do not have to navigate life alone.

For someone who once struggled to understand where they belonged, I am deeply grateful for the communities I have found throughout my life.

Belonging is not always something we are born into; sometimes, it is something we discover, build, and choose. And for that, I will always be grateful for the people who have become part of my story.